Charlie
by KrisCatherine
Summary: What happened after Show and Tell


Title: Charlie

Author: Kris

Email: [KrisCaterine@stargatesg-1.com][1]

Spoilers: Show and Tell

Summary: I don't want to spoil it for you.

Category: S/J Romance, Agnst

Notes: This may not be totally inline with the show. But then again that's why its called fiction. If this bothers you, don't read it. I am also not to familiar with Sam's past, so forgive me if it doesn't follow suit all together.

Special Thanks: To Sam, thanks for your encouragement.

Archive: Anywhere, just let me know where it goes. Please leave this disclaimer with it.

Feedback: Always welcome J

Okay, now I am worried. This last mission with 'Charlie' really did him in. I can tell. Once 'Charlie' gated into the SGC, I should of known, Colonel was acting…let's just say, strange.

I knew that he took a liking to the boy. I watched him go into the infirmary, sit and talk with the child. I stood there and watched his whole facade change. They were deep in conservation, when obviously the child started to point out different things and feelings in each of us.

I want to make this clear first; I can not call the child Charlie, for more reasons that you might know.

When the child made his way to Jack, I saw it; the thought flickered across his face, as he told us about Jack's son. I felt my heart sink, as much as I know on the topic, it was very painful for Jack. Yes I just used his first name; I just can't bring myself to call him 'Sir' or 'Colonel' when discussing his son. I just can't. I know how it feels, although no one here will ever find out.

I turned to see Daniel coming down the hallway, he took one look at me and began to move inside the infirmary. He is more courageous than I am at this moment. I know where I want to be, and it's not standing here in the doorway watching Jack and this child. 

As of late, I can tell things have changed. Mind you they have not changed in any drastic way, just little subtle ways. Things he would do for me, he would pay more attention to me, we would spend more down time together, watch out for me on off world and on world missions, even though he knows I can watch my back and his, sometimes better than he can. Anyway, as I was saying, I am not sure when things became 'different', not that I am complaining, really.

I am really starting to become accustomed to his presence, his, I am not sure what really. Maybe its just him I am getting used to having him around more often.

"Charlie is a nice name. I think I would like to be called that." I am almost positive that is what the child said to Jack. I saw in the reflection in his eyes when he turned to me, that he wasn't sure, this was digging up old memories, I could tell he did not want to relive.

"Yeah." Is all he said to the child before they started to talk about his mom and what exactly was going on. 

The child kept looking over at myself and Teal'c , more so at Teal'c though. It was like he did not want him around, that he was scared in a way of him. So the child asked, and Jack replied. Suddenly the child started to act strange as Teal'c moved closer. Then suddenly Teal'c was on the floor.

'What the hell?' Okay I know that sounds totally out of character for me, but I can't help it.

Supposedly the child could sense gou'ld. Okay that is not always a bad thing, but in this case it was. So Teal'c had to stay away from the child. General Hammond ordered him to help Jack and myself in different ways. I think Daniel had him doing mostly errand work for him, but I am not sure. 

So although the mission, Jack keeps getting closer and closer to the child. I am definitely keeping my eye on him. I really do not want him to have to go through what he did with his son, Charlie. For anyone to have to relive that sort of pain, it's just not right. I am going to do whatever I can not to let that happen. 

So I had a talk with Janet. No one knows I did, and I wanted to keep it that way. You know I have a reputation to keep up, the hard as nails Major Carter, can't show any emotion. But little did I know that everyone truly already knew the real me. I was only trying to fool myself. I learned that just recently, amazing huh.

"Hey" I said as I slowly made my way into the infirmary. I looked over at the child and smiled. He was sleeping, so Janet and I went into her office.

"Hey Sam, what can I do for you?" She asked innocently, like she didn't already know.

"Is…is there anything we can do to help him?" I asked looking down at my hands.

"I am trying everything I know Sam, but as I told you before, it was like he was put together wrong."

I sigh, I know she is right. I am just looking for answers, a way to help the child and to help Jack.

"I know Janet, let me know if I can help, okay?" 

"Yeah." She replied and turned back to her work, "You know, Sam, look after the Colonel okay, he is really taking this hard."

"I plan on it Janet." I told her with a smile on my face, and I do plan on it.

Somewhere in the middle of this it is decided by General Hammond that we call in the To'kra. I know they can help, deep down I do. And mind you I am happy that my dad showed up. We really needed him, I needed him. As always he came through and lent us the weapons needed to defeat the Reetu. 

My dad wanted to see this child, so I took him. We walked slowly down the hallway when he asked me if I was okay.

"Of course I am okay dad, why wouldn't I be?" I respond, knowing full well he can see right through me. It's just a matter of whether he decides to go along with it or call me on it.

He stops and puts a gentle hand on my arm to stop me as well. We are just outside the infirmary at this point, "Sam, talk to me. What is going on?"

I sigh and look away, unsure of how I want to begin this subject with him. "Sam?"

"Oh dad, I am not sure what to say. This whole thing…its just got me," I pause and look at him.

"Confused?" He finishes for me.

"Yeah, to say the least dad." I say to him as I point through the infirmary window to Jack and the boy.

"What's so confusing about that Sam?"

"Nothing dad, except that, that man in there lost his child a few years back, lost his marriage, everything. Then one day a child comes through the Stargate and all of a sudden it's like his son is back. This is not something that is a good thing." I finished breathless.

"Sam," He said holding my arms, trying to get my attention, "The boy, he's dying, correct?"

"Yes." I whisper, "Dad I can't let him go through what he did last time. It's unfair." I finish almost in tears. Wonderful.

Well after that we manage to get the entire stowaway Reetu, but we managed to kill the boy's mother along with them. I feel terrible, so does Jack and everyone else for that matter.

The boy is crying on the bed, Jack went over to him and is apologizing and trying to comfort him. Did I mention, I feel horrible right now. I want to go over to Jack and the boy and embrace them. I am close to tears again, and I almost lose it when the boy goes limp in Jack's arms and he starts flying off at Janet because she can't do anything to help him. This can't be happening I say to myself. It can't, how much pain does this man have to inflict before he gets any happiness?

Dad shows up and rescues the day again by offering to take the boy back with him. I know it's the only way and so does everyone else. Decision made we head out to the gate room. I know this is going to be hard on Jack, but the boy is alive. He chose to let him live, to give him that chance to grow up. And its not like he isn't going to be taken care of, I know dad will make sure of that.

Jack said something to the boy, and then dad took his hand. I watch Jack, he bows his head and I can't tell what he is doing now. He isn't watching the boy or dad that's for sure. 

Once the iris is closed, he's gone. Oh god, what now?

I am not sure what to do actually. I really want to go to him, but the gate room is still full of people. So I turn to leave, but I can't. I have this feeling in the pit of my stomach that is making me not go anywhere. So I move over towards the back of the room and sit on a crate. I'll wait.

Soon everyone is gone, thank god. Jack is still where we were a few moments ago. He hasn't moved. Not good. Slowly I walk over and put a gentle hand on his shoulder to get his attention. "Sir?" I ask. I know not the most affectionate thing I could have said, but what do you want when we are in the busiest place of the base?

"Sir?" I ask again but get no response, so I move to stand in front of him and squat down to his level.

"Jack?" I whisper and move my hands down his arm, "Come on, let's get out of here."

He follows me hesitantly. I know he doesn't want to leave, but he can't stay on the ramp to the gate forever.

Where am I going to go? I know General Hammond is going to want to debrief us, probably in little under an hour from now. I am sure he knows this is hard on him, and will be giving him a few extra moments to compose himself. 

"Carter, where are we going?" he asked me as we roamed the hallway. I knew where I was going honestly.

"Here, Sir." He stopped and looked at me for a moment.

"Carter?"

"Just trust me Sir."

He nods at me and follows me through the door to my quarters. Hey it's the best I could do on short notice especially when General Hammond will be looking for us shortly. I watch him look around for a place to sit, when he doesn't find any he sits on my bed. Its true I don't have really any furniture here, I spend most of my time in my lab or office. Sad but true. As I lean against the door I take in his features, they are sad, lonely, lost. Very lost.

"I am sorry." I tell him, I have no idea what else I want to tell him. 

"Carter…" He trails off, I know he wants to say more, but here is not that place.

That's when I hear us being paged to General Hammond's office. I sigh and look over to him, he is just sitting there with his head in his hands. We really need to get out of here.

"Come on Sir, we need to get to Hammond's office." I say and hold a hand out to him.

Wonders never sease and he takes it, the feel of his hand in mine, sends shivers down my spine, but I don't let it show. Not yet, and definitely not here.

He stands and looks me in the eye, we are mere inches apart now, "Thank you." He whispers and leans in, slowly moving his hands up my arms pulling me closer.

Suddenly a knock comes from my door, we pull apart and I smile at him.

Hopefully we get some down time. We all need it.

********************

"Colonel, care to tell me what happened?" The General asked, obviously angry. Jack didn't need to be at the blunt end of his anger either, I tried to help.

"Sir, five Reetu came back through the gate with us…"

"I know that already Major." Yup he is angry.

"Carter…" He gave me a warning, "General, we broke off into teams quartered off the base, and moved them back, to the infirmary."

"Go on."

"It was there that I got shot, and Daniel, got the others."

The debriefing went on like that for another thirty minutes, I kept watching the General and Jack battle back and forth over discrepancies and minor aspects of what had transpired earlier. I tried to inject things here and there but I got a glare from both men telling me to stay out of it, so for once I did what I was told.

"All right SG-1 you are on stand down for forty-eight hours. Enjoy your weekend."

"Yes Sir." Jack answered for all of us.

"Dismissed."

Thank god that's over. Its not that I dislike debriefings, but this one, I wanted to get out of so bad. I almost wish Janet had kept me out of it somehow.

I waited for Jack, but it was obvious that he either wanted to be alone or he wasn't finished talking with the General, so I left. He gave me a nod as I left, should I be reassured?

I head back to my quarters; not sure of what to do, I pack. I am definitely going home for the weekend that's for sure. I hear a knock at my door and tell them to enter.

"Hey Sam." Its Daniel.

"What's up Daniel?"

"Ah, what are you doing this weekend?" he asked me, not really sure of himself. I smile; his hesitancy is cute.

"Ah I am not sure Daniel, why?" Curiosity got the better of me as I stop what I am doing and turn to face him.

"Well…ah... I was thinking maybe we all could get together or something."

"Sure sounds good Daniel, um how about Sunday afternoon?"

"Sounds good, I'll make the arrangements and get back to you." He said as he left as quietly as he showed up.

We usually get together at Jack's house on downtime. It's just bigger, especially if all of us are going to be there. But this weekend, I am not sure if that is going to happen. It's going to have to be up to him.

I sigh and hope he comes to find me before I have to go look for him. I know I should I really should.

So I gather up my things and head out to find Jack. I pass the infirmary, no sign of anyone but Janet. I have to ask, just in case.

"Hey Janet."

"Hey Sam, what can I do for you?" She asked and looked up at me, "I heard SG-1 was on stand down for the next few days."

"Yeah, we are planning on getting together Sunday afternoon, you up for it?" I pause and fiddle with something on the edge of her desk.

"Sure Sam," She looks intently at me, "What's wrong?"

"Have you seen Colonel O'Neill?" I ask.

"No I haven't Sam, is everything okay?" Ha that's an understatement. No Janet nothing is wrong, just that my best friend, my CO, is going through losing his son all over again, and…and I need him; for my own reason that no one knows, not even the Colonel. 

"Yeah. See you this weekend?" She replies, but I have a feeling she knows there is some underlying reasons there.

"You bet." You know Janet is one of my closet friends, I have no idea why I wanted to leave her office so quickly.

And I leave. Okay next person, Daniel. I slowly make my way to his office, I stress slowly, I know he tends to over react sometimes, well most of the time he is justified. I just don't want to cause any unwanted attention to this situation. Jack must of left for a reason, and if he wanted all of us to find him, then he at least would of told somebody, right? 

"Hey Danny."

"Sam."

"Have you seen Jack, since we last spoke?"

"Nope sorry Sam."

"Okay, bye." And he went back to work.

I went to check his quarters and office, nothing. I notice that his gear was missing. I feel a twinge in the pit of my stomach; you know when you feel hurt. I can't believe he just up and left, and didn't bother to tell or come to me.

I cast my eyes downwards and make my way home. I guess he doesn't need me. But I need him. With a sigh I make my way to the elevator.

So I sat home, alone. I am upset that he didn't come to me after the debriefing. I told him I wanted to see him afterwards. I am hurt, is basically what I am feeling. Friends are supposed to be there for one another, comfort, one another, right? Then how come he didn't come to me? Does he not need me like I need him?

But he doesn't know that I need him, does he? No he doesn't know anything about this, about me. Well, let's just say, he doesn't know this. This last mission I know was terribly hard on him, but what he doesn't know, it was equally as hard on me.

Looking down at my clothes, yes I am still in fatigues and a black tee shirt, it is definitely bath time; I need to get out of those clothes, I need to relax. You guessed right, I am going to drown my problems in a hot bath. Just what I need, no not really, what I need is a friend, a companion, and he is no where to be found.

I swear as I am changing I know he will be the bearer of bad timing and show up as soon as I get in the tub. I know it, but I don't care at this point, if he does, he does. I am bit to concerned at this point about him, if he comes here, which I doubt he will, a bath is nothing important.

I have a bit to think about anyway.

As I sink into the hot water, I can feel it soothing away the aches and pains, I didn't think I had. Physical ones anyway. Emotional ones are a totally different story, I can list them off for you.

I am not sure how long I sat there, but the cold water woke me up. My skin was getting a pretty hue of blue or something, whatever it was, it wasn't good. I have to laugh at myself; this is what a hot bath does to me, the scientist, the doctor, reduced to a mindless person after just one hot bath. 

After I bring myself out and got dressed, I fumble for the book I was reading last week on my nightstand and make my way into the living room. I can already tell this is going to be a long night. My phone hasn't rung; no one had paged me for anything. Which in itself is amazing. I am half tempted to call Janet or Daniel, just to see what is going on. I hate being left out of the loop. 

I do feel a bit better, although not much. There is still a lot of things that are troubling me. 

As I sat down on the couch, cordless phone in hand, I gaze into the fire I had made. I wanted to make kind of a atmosphere, calm, peaceful, even though my entire life is a mess. Well not a mess, but…well you know what I mean.

Anyway, I dialed Janet's number first. 

"Hello."

"Janet, it's Sam…" She cut me off before I could say anything more. For some reason something gets my attention on my bookshelf across from me. 

"Hey Sam, how are you, what's up?"

"Janet…" I know my voice sounds awful, at this point I am really worried, "Janet have you heard from Colonel O'Neill tonight?" I say as I pull off a photo album that I had hidden away when I moved in here. 

"No Sam I haven't I was just telling Daniel, that I was beginning to get worried too." I hear her say as I go back and sit down on my couch, feet tucked under me. I know I was quiet, my fingers dancing around the spine of the album.

"Daniel's there?" I ask, obvious smile on my face. I know those two have been skirting the same issues Jack and I have. I am happy for them.

"Yeah, here why don't you talk to him." Janet paused and handed the phone to Daniel.

"Hey Sam, have you heard or seen Jack?" He asked, his voiced sounded a bit funny, but I didn't ask why, I think I knew. Why do I feel jealous? 

"No, that's why I am calling, Daniel I am worried."

"Me too Sam."

"Did you see him after the debriefing?" Stupid question; Daniel.

"No." I said a bit more sadness than I planned. Shit. See when I get upset or depressed my language goes down the drain. I am all for showing emotions, when I know what they are. But when I have no idea what they are, and who they are directed at, well you get the picture.

"Sam, Janet and I will get Teal'c and go look for him, you stay there just incase he shows up at your place."

"Okay." I know I am sounding pitiful at this moment, but what can I say, I am allowed to once right?

"I will call if we find him, you do the same if he comes to your place okay."

"Yeah, bye Daniel. Thanks"

"No problem Sam."

With that I sat back against my sofa and contemplated looking through my photo album, that I still didn't have the guts to open yet. As I looped my finger through the fine piece of ribbon holding it shut, I give it a soft tug and the bow comes free. Well it's a step; I haven't looked through this for a very long time. To painful I guess, but I feel like I am ready tonight. Maybe it's because I know that I am not the only one that is hurting tonight. Am I gathering strength from a friend's pain? I hope not, that is just too creepy.

I am not sure how long I sat there, but my leg fell asleep from sitting on it. Good one Sam. I figured a glass of wine was in order so I got up and made my way slowly to the kitchen. Did I mention I hate pins and needles? 

Well I came back and downed the entire glass, and figured it was time to look through the album and make a bad night even worse. 

As I leaf through the pages of my childhood, and memories, I am reminded of times that were happy for the most part. I actually did really have a good childhood, I mean it was different than most families, but it was still a good one, none the less.

A few pages into the album, I come across the only picture of my mom and me. It was the day she died. I will always remember that day. We were going to have a little get together with our neighbors that Saturday afternoon. My mom had run out of something and had to run to the store. Dad said he would go, but she gave him smart remark, smiled, and kissed me goodbye. That was the last time I saw her.

Okay I am crying now, don't get me wrong growing up with dad was wonderful, he is a great father. I just miss my mom so much. I outline the image of her with my finger and smile through my tears whispering 'love you' to the image of my mom. 

I miss her.

I look at the pictures of my father and I, smiling back at the camera on most occasions. I love him so much. 

I finally got to my graduation from the Air Force Academy. I am surprised I made it through my teenage years without putting the album down. Anyway I made it to that faithful day. It had started out to be a wonderful day, I was so proud, my father was so proud of me, as well. I remember watching him, he stood so tall, with this big smile pastured on his face.

I had convinced my dad to let me go out with friends after graduation. I know he wanted to spend time with me, but I really wanted to go out with my friends. Reluctantly he let me go; I hugged him and kissed him on the cheek. 

See I remember this day minute by minute.

Later that night we went out to a few bars, I was designated driver. A big thing for me, I was never really into driving, especially drinking and driving. I guess it's always been a thing since mom died, you see she was killed by a drunk driver. 

We were on our way home, it was late, that's all I remember, and I was going through an intersection. My friends were very quiet, after all the drinks they had; I expected them to be more rowdy than they were. Actually they were asleep, go figure. I had done nothing but ask them to go home the entire night, I was tired. So here I am stuck driving home with four drunk, sleeping friends in my car.

Anyway, the other car came out of no where and broad sided me. I never saw it coming till it was to late. I ended up in the hospital with serious injuries, my friends; well they all went home that night with hangovers. 

About the third day of my hospital stay some police and came by and took my statement. Needless to say, I almost suffered the same fate as my mom; the other driver was also drunk. That was the day my dad and the doctors told me exactly what happened to me.

I had a lot of internal injuries, mostly to my abandon. I am not going to go into specifics here, lets just say three surgeries later, the doctors exclaim that in a week I am able to return home. That is when it finally hit me.

I was home about two days when I was sitting there on the couch, dad was in the kitchen making me lunch, when all of a sudden I start crying. 

'I can't have children dad.' Is what I said, as I cried into his shoulder, all hope of a future with a husband, a nice house with a picket fence and 2.5 kids went down the drain.

It felt like I had a part of me ripped out right in front me. There was nothing I could do, I was helpless.

Dad tried to comfort me, telling me that the Air Force wasn't a good place to raise a family, that if I really wanted to go in the Shuttle, kids were out of the question. I knew he was only trying to help, but it didn't help much at all. 

I refused to see my friends, and when I was able and the military doctors cleared me, I threw myself into my work. No surprise there, I still do that now. I guess I find some refuge in it, always have.

Well I was assigned to the Pentagon and then to the SGC. The rest of the story you know already.

So there is my big secret. No one knows, not Janet, not Jack or Daniel and Teal'c. Although I think Janet suspects something, I didn't get out of that whole ordeal with out any scars. She asked me once and I told her that I was in a car accident. I wasn't lying, I told her of the operations I had done, but I never told her that I couldn't have children. I assume she got all my records from any hospital and doctor visit I ever had, but she never said anything to me. Which is good, because at the time I probably wouldn't have said anything, I wasn't ready.

So I know exactly what Jack is going through, well in a round about way. I mean I never had a child of my own whom died, but I had that opportunity taken away from me totally. Any chance of ever having that is gone. So here I sit mourning the loss of Charlie, Jacks first child, and Charlie, the child from the gate, and my unborn children. What a night, can I die now?

I must have fallen asleep on my couch with the album on my chest, which is now missing. I have no clue what time that was or anything, I know the fire went out in my fireplace though. So it must be late. Great I can't see anything, I know that I am certain to walk into something as I try and make my way to the stairs. 

I reach to the floor where the phone lay and turn it on, wondering why I never heard from Daniel or Janet, weather they found Jack or not. Weird, I hear the dial tone. As I stretch on the couch, getting my muscles ready for the trek to the bedroom when I hear a sound coming from the direction of the corner of my living room. I open my eyes and I notice there is a dim light on next to my recliner, and a one Jack O'Neill sitting in it thumbing through my album. 

"Sir." I whisper, moving my fingers under my eyes to clear away the tears that formed there during my sleep.

He didn't say anything, but he looked up at me with tear filled eyes as well. He knows.

"Sam…" Came his whispered plea a few moments later.

I sat there on the couch and watch, unsure of how to go forward with this conservation.

"I never knew." He says as he comes over to sit next to me, showing me the page with the newspaper clippings and various papers my dad collected on me about that accident. To this day I have no idea why he wanted such viscous things in a family album.

"No one knew Sir."

"Jack…" He said, knowing I would pick up on what he meant. "Sorry I didn't come back to you after the debriefing today, I just…" He trailed off.

"Needed to be alone." I finish for him, "I understand, I was just offering my help, it was your choice whether you took it or not."

"It's not like that Sam, I needed you, still do."

His admission startled me; he has always been a truthful person, just not necessarily with us, or me. I didn't expect it from him.

"I need you too." I whisper out, as long as we are being open about everything.

"I can see that Sam, why didn't you tell me." He motioned to the date on one of the newspaper articles. The date of my accident was today, well actually technically yesterday.

I shrug, not knowing how to answer.

"I am sorry about the child Jack, I understand how hard…" I look down at my lap then.

He reached up and lifted my chin, so he could read my face. He looked at me clearly; nothing was standing in his way. I smiled at this, Jack is usually a very guarded man when his emotions are in play, right now, he is unguarded.

"I know you understand Sam." He said and leaned into me. I reached up and wrapped my arms around him, needing his support, he friendship, and his love.

Yes I love this man, and I know he loves me. It's clear and simple. I just can't fathom why he wants me.

We sat there for a while just holding on to each other, lending support and comfort. I spoke of my experiences, the death of my mom and my accident. Jack did the same. We have shared something special with each other this night. But for some reason I feel the need to get every little piece of information out in the open tonight. Which is strange, for me, to say the least.

When it comes to my emotions, I guess I am as bad as Jack is. I never talk about them, to anyone. Well with the exception of Janet and my dad, anyway. Even then it's not really the WHOLE story.

"Sam…" He began, "I am sorry for how I acted before."

"I know you are Jack." I say leaning in a bit closer.

He leaned in as well and, we kissed, it was passionate, slow and knowing. Well at least it started out to be. 

For now, we are going to be okay, it's going to be a rough road, but we will get through it together.

   [1]: mailto:KrisCaterine@stargatesg-1.com



End file.
